I'll build you a Taj Mahal.
Hi, I'm Rohan and I'm confident I can write you the unusual and eccentric book you so thirst for. First off, a little about me. I'm a gay man recently out of college who absolutely loves writing, I love experimenting with oddly placed words, I like details, grand descriptions, and I especially love exploring the entire range of human experiences. I've been writing ever since my cognitive faculties first kicked in, but I've been writing commercially for the past year, and in that time I've written everything from traditional romance novellas, hardcore erotica, and droll-as-hell blogs for which we seem to share a combined aversion. You can of course go through my uploaded samples to gauge my writing style, however most of them are SEO-type articles, though some of them are articles that I had published in newspapers. If you want, I can also send you samples of some of my creative articles and stories.
I was really pleased to go through your description because I feel you're more amenable to offering your writers creative license to go all bizarre? If so, then I'm your man!
I can also write real fast, perhaps not as fast as a Cheetah on Adrenalin, but definitely faster than most other writers you would come across. As long as your deadline is reasonable, I can meet it.
I also happen to be a "Preferred Freelancer" in this site with great reviews and I've put down a considerable deposit for this project, so you know you can trust my services.