Presently a director of a private international education company in Australia, I have many years experience as both an English teacher and a business person. In my role as director I have generated instructional material, promotional literature for both web and permanent copy, financial reports and proposals. I have a Masters of Education, a BA in English, some law study, and a Graduate Diploma of TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages). I have travelled widely, particularly in China and other parts of Asia, and have a broad range of interests. Consequently, I am able to write in many different subject areas. I can work to instructions and meet deadlines. I am a hard-nosed editor and can shape up a piece quickly with a sharp awareness of what the writer 'is going for,' even though it may be in a specialist subject area. I work towards customer satisfaction. If your publication has need of an inventive writer, proofreader or editor to bring something though on deadline you will find my work an asset. All my work will be delivered by telecommuting.
(Respectfully between you and me, your cap is too low for the quality that you are asking for and I don't believe you will find a source. At $100 per article I can deliver what you want---the wit, the creativity and everything---satisfaction guaranteed!)