Small jokes Jobs

I'm looking for a farm engineer who can help design a small 5000 sqm farm. While I have not yet decided on whether it will be organic or conventional, I do know that I plan to grow a mix of fruits and vegetables, thus experience in these areas is highly valued. Key Requirements: - Design a comprehensive small farm covering 5000 sqm - Ability to design for both organic and conventional farming practices - Proficiency in irrigation system design Ideal Skills: - Farm engineering - Crop-specific knowledge (fruits and vegetables) - Irrigation system design - Familiarity with organic farming practices - Ability to adapt to the client's needs and decisions regarding the farm's final setup If you have experience in these areas, please reach out to discuss the projec...

Help with a small task and a survey

I require an adept sales freelancer with a track record in property sales to assist in selling my small farm land plots. The plots are less than 1 acre, and every detail about them has to be captured with particular focus on their compelling features. Key Features to Highlight: - Soil fertility: The land boasts rich and fertile soil that is perfect for farming and gardening. - View/Location: The plots are situated in a serene and picturesque location that adds to their appeal. - Water availability: Guaranteed water sources are available, eliminating the worry of water access. Ideal Skills and Experience: - Property marketing and sales experience, particularly of farm lands. - A creative mind to capture the unique selling points of the land. - Excellent communication skills to en...

I'm in need of a Python expert to assist me with a small-scale project. Python expert for Test purpose I'm keen to work with an individual who has a strong background in Python, data analysis, and automation. Experience with machine learning algorithms and API integration would be an added advantage. Please provide examples of similar projects you have completed.

Able to integrate few small API only

For my small business, I need an expert to create my income statement, balance sheet and cash flow statement using Wave for 2022, 2023 and 2024. Your proficiency in this software is highly desired. The delivery method required is in PDF format. Any demonstrable experience or understanding of small business accounting will be advantageous. Please also have excellent attention to detail, strong computational abilities, and a thorough knowledge of current financial legislation. Your data presentation skills should be effortlessly understandable to someone without an accounting background.

This is a small project about Transformers to a problem of interest. You can pick any problem/dataset and implement a Transformer-based model to conduct a task (e.g., classification, regression, etc.) should consist: 1. Description of dataset/task. 2. Transformer Implementation 3. Transformer component changes. anything you need to change to make the model perform the task at hand (e.g., embeddings, output layer, etc.) 4. Training/Evaluation.

I am looking for a skilled professional to import products to a new e-commerce store.

We are seeking a highly skilled and experienced Airflow and Heat Simulation Specialist to evaluate and optimize the ventilation systems of our crypto mining facilities. Each site encompasses an industrial unit under 200 square meters, requiring detailed analysis to ensure operational efficiency and safety. Responsibilities: Conduct detailed airflow and heat simulations to assess the current ventilation efficiency. Identify potential areas of improvement and provide actionable recommendations. Work closely with our on-site team to understand the specific configurations and requirements of each location. Deliver comprehensive reports summarizing findings and suggesting optimizations. Requirements: Proven expertise in airflow and heat simulation, specifically within industrial environments...

We are a small hobby website looking to redesign both our site and the database structure behind it. The site consists of a database with blog content and a user sign-in system. We currently use a proprietary CMS with SQLite3, but would prefer to rebuild the database in MySQL or something more modern to add more features. We'd also prefer to migrate the CMS to WordPress.

Hello, The app it is loading a csv file which read data from it, basically the app read the unique football events and create a list of them so the user can select the event from a dropdown menu and the data will be shown. Consider that the backend generates a file which all the events inside it. In order to change the front end logic I have already made a new backend to generate 1 dedicated file for each football event. SO The change I want to make is to read the data for the chosen event directly from its dedicated csv file instead of lookup from the main all-events file.

Identification of small water bodies, as well as their identification when it is covered by vegetation. Techniques to be used, either with QGIS, Arcgis, or Arcgis it is not possible, then convolutional neural networks (CNNs), recurrent neural networks (RNNs), and fully convolutional networks (FCN).

Hello, I need to upgrade my cPanel to Alma Linux 8 and make small adjustments on my WHM / CPanel. I will grant you access through TeamViewer / AnyDesk to check things beforehand. Experts only!

...Service (SaaS) product that specifically caters to small businesses. This chatbot will primarily be designed to answer Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) for these companies. Key Requirements: - The chatbot should be able to effectively and accurately answer FAQs. - It needs to be user-friendly and easily integratable into small business websites. - The system should have the capacity to support multiple languages. Ideal Skills and Experience: - Strong background in AI and chatbot development. - Experience in developing SaaS products. - Familiarity with small business needs and preferences. - Proficiency in multiple language support is a plus. This is a great opportunity for someone who is passionate about creating innovative solutions for small businesses...

I'm seeking a creative and funny comedy writer experienced in stand-up nurse comedy. I'm looking for a unique comedy set that revolves around nursing, emphasizing the daily routines and challenges nurses face, highlights interactions with patients, and incorporates inside jokes common within the nursing profession. This project needs to be accomplished as soon as possible. Professional experience in the healthcare sector or familiarity with nursing and hospital environments is a big plus. The ideal freelancer would exhibit strong narrative skills, humor understanding, and prompt delivery. Your creative input will be highly appreciated!

I'm in need of an expert interior designer to transform my small space into a modern, cozy oasis. Requirements: - The design should be modern and sleek. - The designer will need to focus on three main areas: the living room, the kitchen, and the bedroom. Ideal Skills and Experience: - Proven experience in interior design, especially for small spaces. - Strong understanding of modern interior design principles. - Proficiency in creating cohesive designs across multiple rooms. Please provide examples of your previous work and any relevant certifications in your bid. Thank you.

As someone with proficiency in both Laravel and MERN stack (specifically 14), your task is to port over an existing Laravel based PHP application. Your role would include taking the open source package that can be found on GitHub at: and building a full-stack MERN version using 14, TailwindCSS, Typescript, Prisma, (Auth v.5), Supabase, and more - Migrating key features such as user authentication, database interactions, and payment processing modules. - Implementing comprehensive accounting functions such as income/expense tracking, profit/loss calculations, tax calculations, payroll, balance sheet and cash flow management functionalities. - Preparing the application to efficiently handle a large user base (more than 10,000 users) with high volume data traffic. Experience with both...

I'm looking for someone who has a good voice to have his voice in the small robot that can help the elderly in the house and help them accomplish tasks. Skills : speak English and arabic Able to record audio and adopt it for robots

I'm currently in need of a dedicated professional who can build a machine that focuses on strictly manipulating and controlling small volumes of liquid, less than 100mL. The machine should be designed to provide good accuracy and consistency in liquid volume control. Here's what I'm seeking: - No preference for material: Please use your discretion which material (plastic, stainless steel, or aluminum) would be best suited for this project. - Expertise: Experience in mechanical engineering, fluid mechanics, and device fabrication is absolutely essential. Previous work with liquid control devices will be highly regarded. Details of such experiences should be provided in your proposal. - Support upto 6 liquid sources w/o human interventions during the process. - Control...

We're a growing cigar company committing to revolutionize our processes with AI, focusing on our ordering system, customer service and CRM. Ordering System: - Use AI for automated ordering, maintaining optimal stock levels and eliminating human errors. Skilled in artificial intelligence and supply chain management. Customer Service: - Implement AI chatbots and Natural Language Processing to enhance our customer support, improving response times and quality. Proficiency in NLP and chatbot design is required. CRM: - In CRM, predictive analytics should be employed to foresee customer behavior and design strategic marketing campaigns. Strong understanding of CRM systems and predictive analytics is necessary. Our goals through AI integration are process streamlining, effici...

...specifically from small business owners. Key requirements: - Develop an effective email campaign strategy: I'm seeking someone who can assist in crafting an engaging email campaign strategy that will resonate with my target audience, small business owners. - Set up a daily email schedule: I'm looking to send out emails on a daily basis, so the freelancer should be well-versed in managing such high-frequency campaigns. - Monitor and analyze campaign performance: After setting up the campaign, the freelancer should also be able to monitor its performance and provide insights on how we can further optimize it for better lead generation. Ideal skills: - Proven experience in email marketing, especially in lead generation campaigns. - Understanding the dynamics of ...

I'm in need of a professional who holds both a PCAOB certification and CPA license. You will be tasked with conducting both a financial statement audit and an internal controls audit for my small business. Key responsibilities: - Perform a thorough financial statement audit, ensuring compliance with all relevant accounting standards and regulations. - Conduct an internal controls audit to evaluate the efficiency and effectiveness of our internal control environment. - Provide guidance on any necessary changes or improvements to our financial and operational processes. - Deliver a comprehensive report outlining your findings and recommendations. Ideal qualifications: - Holds a PCAOB certification and CPA license. - Extensive experience in conducting financial statement audits ...

I'm in need of a structural assessment for a small roof area (less than 1,000 square feet). The report should be detailed, highlighting the current condition, any areas of concern, and potential recommendations for maintenance or repairs. Key Requirements: - Conduct a thorough structural assessment of the roof - Produce a comprehensive written report that can be easily understood by a non-professional - Include clear and concise findings, areas of concern, and any necessary recommendations - The report should be detailed yet not overly technical Ideal Freelancer: - Experienced in conducting roof inspections and specifically structural assessments - Skilled in report writing, able to convey technical information in a clear and understandable way - A background in construction...

I need a developer who is well versed with MySQL. I have a database server that has thousands of databases. I need a query that will print the name of all the databases where a specific table has a specific row. For example, consider attached sql script. It creates 5 small dbs, I need a query that will print the names of DB where in sales_target table, there is a row where key=Q1 and value=100

For an existing very small animation, all I need is to change a word, and then return the aep file to me, together with a gif

I need small small task to be done in python

...the website will be to either sell products/services, share information/content, or collect customer data. The ideal candidate should be able to understand my requirements and have strong experience in web development, both in design and coding. Extensive knowledge in various web development tools, languages, and platforms is preferred. I NEED THOSE WEB DEVELOPER WHO IS HAS ALSO INVOLVED IN SMALL PROJECT AND THOSE WHO IS FIT IN MY PROJECT BUDGET AND WHO IS NOT TO MUCH COSTLIER ,SO PLEASE BIDS ON MY PROJECT ONLY THOSE FREELANCER WHOSE BIDS IS UNDER 1500 INDIAN RUPEES ONLY AND I HAVE 1500 INDIAN RUPEES BUDGET ONLY SO BIDS ONLY THOSE WHOSE IS AGREE UNDER 1500 RUPEES AND PLEASE READ THE WHOLE PROJECT PDF CAREFULLY BEFORE ANY BIDS. SKILLS REQUIREDS NodeJS, Express, MongoDB, an...

I'm searching for a talented designer to create a - Company logo - Visiting card design - Letter head design - Email signature html If you're interested, please submit your application. MY BUDGET IS 1000 INR

I'm looking for a skilled video editor with experience in visual effects to work on a few short videos of mine. The main tasks include: - Motion Tracking: There are a few scenes that would benefit from some subtle motion tracking to enhance the overall visual appeal. - Object Removal: Certain elemen...on creating realistic particle effects through 3D Gaussian Splatting. The ideal candidate should have: - Proficiency in video editing and VFX software. - Proven experience with motion tracking, object removal, and 3D effects. - A keen eye for detail and creativity to enhance the visual experience in a subtle yet impactful way. The videos are less than a minute long each, so it's a relatively small-scale project. Please apply if you're confident in your ability to br...

I'm looking to hire a skilled architect/draftsperson with expertise in restaurant layout and a deep...The size of the space is approximately 500 sq. ft. Specifics that require attention include: - A kitchen layout suitable for efficient operation, taking into account the limited size. - A well-designed indoor dining area to maximize seating without crowding. - An inviting and well-stocked bar that complements the rustic look. - A layout plan in 1:100 You should have a proven track record in small space design, excellent understanding of space utilization, and an eye for combining functionality with aesthetics. Prior experience in designing for the hospitality industry and a portfolio displaying your versatility across different design styles (particularly rustic) will be h...

...payroll along with tax calculations. Strong experience in payroll management, tax computation and understanding of business P&L is necessary for this role with evidence of professionalism, good references and/ or reviews. The payroll is small and includes regular check-ups and payroll calculations for my family employees of 1-3 individuals and tax computations. The total payment per month is Approx $800 USD. In addition to household payroll your expertise will also extend to my business needs, where you will manage and assess the profitability and losses. Small Business Est Gross Income $30,000 USD $7,000USD NET On average up to no more than 150-200 transactions a month. IMPORTANT: Please bid what your reoccurring **monthly fee** for this assignment will be. ...

I'm searching for a well-versed professional in CSS coding who can assist with both layout and styling. I have a design or wireframe for my particular needs. The task involves a module that currently has basic CSS and calls for modifications; it’s quite a small-scale project. Ideal candidates should have: - A rich history of CSS coding, particularly in layout and styling - A keen eye for detail to follow given design and wireframe - Experience in working with existing modules and making required alterations.

I'm currently utilizing a Windows Server 2011 for file storage and sharing in my small business. I'm seeking a professional to assist in migrating this server to a more recent version. I need someone on site - project is based in north london, N13 Key Tasks: - Migrate from Windows Server 2011 to a more recent version. - Ensure all existing data and sharing functionalities are retained. - Minimize downtime and potential disruptions during the migration process. Ideal Skills: - Proficient in Windows server systems, particularly in migration processes. - Experience in handling file storage and sharing systems for small businesses. - Strong communication skills to ensure a smooth transition without interrupting daily operations.

I am looking for a web developer to design and build a simple yet engaging e-commerce website for my small business. The main purpose of the website will be to market and sell our services to potential customers. Key requirements: - **Booking Request Form**: I'd like for customers to easily interact with our services by filling out a booking request form. - **Photo Gallery of Products**: A visually appealing photo gallery showcasing our services and products. - **Customer Testimonials**: Inclusion of customer testimonials to build trust and credibility. - **SEO and Online Marketing**: The website should be optimized for specific keywords or phrases for SEO and online marketing purposes. - **Social Media Integration**: Integration with social media platforms to enhance our onli...

I had a perfectly working SMALL PHP script (a wordpress plugin) but I haven't used it in a while and now it is suddently giving me an error when executing. I suspect it has to do something with versions, maybe a newer version came out or something but it's not working anymore. A good dev would be able to point the problem very quickly so if you think you are that person please include those words in the bid "happy to help" so I know you are not a bot :)

I'm seeking a talented writer who can turn discussions and bullet points into a compelling one or two-page newspaper article. The purpose of the piece is to inform the general public about a particular event or issue occurring in a small town. Here's what I'm looking for in the project candidate: - Superb English language skills - Experience in newspaper-style writing - An ability to make detailed issues engaging and understandable - Knowledge about small town dynamics will be a plus The ideal freelancer will be able to take the provided talking points and expertly weave them into an informative narrative that connects with the readers. Your role will include not only writing but also some research to ensure factual accuracy of the article. Use your creativ...

I'm looking for a professional painter to freshen up the interior of my small 1-2 bedroom house. Key responsibilities: - Prepare the walls for painting, this includes filling in holes and cracks. - Apply 2-3 coats of paint on the interior walls. Please note, the paint for the project will be provided by me. Therefore, your quote should exclude the cost of paint, but should include any other materials or tools you might need to carry out the job. Ideal skills and experience: - Proven experience in painting is required. - Attention to detail and quality-focused. - Reliable and able to work within the agreed time frames.

Will disclose details. Please explain your experience in .net core.

I'm seeking a skilled professional to design and place a small (approx. 18x24 inches) bandit sign on a specific street corner. The purpose of the sign is for real estate postings. We're looking for reliable and detail-oriented individuals to help us place bandit signs in designated locations across intersections off I-10 west near Katy 77449. As a Sign Placement Specialist, your responsibilities will include: -Driving to designated locations to install bandit signs on public property, such as street corners, intersections, and high-traffic areas. -Ensuring that signs are securely and safely installed, following guidelines provided by the company. -Taking photographs of installed signs as proof of placement and reporting back to the company with location details. -Removin...

I am looking for a skilled web developer to design and develop a new e-commerce website for my small flower business. The website will serve as the primary platform for showcasing and selling my products. Key Features: - E-commerce Functionality: The website must be able to handle online transactions smoothly and securely. It needs to have a shopping cart, product pages, checkout process, etc. - Payment Integration: The website should support credit card payments. - Product Display: I need the design to place the product image alongside the product name and price, and also below the "add to cart" button. The display should be intuitive and visually appealing. Ideal Skills: - Proficiency in e-commerce website development - Experience with payment gateway integration, part...

I need an expert with significant interior design experience, particularly with contemporary aesthetics, to completely redesign my living room and bedroom. The total space is under 500 sq ft, making it a smaller project. Main Project Area wall design of the living ...cabinet ) wall design of bedroom for bedside table and bedside wall. Key Requirements: - Development of 3D concept design - Development of fully executed drawings for the living room and bedroom. - Optimization of space through clever design techniques. - Understanding and implementation of a minimalist design style. Your portfolio and previous work samples, particularly those showcasing small, contemporary spaces, will be crucial in my decision-making process. I'm excited to see how your creativity can tra...

I need a 3D printable enclosure designed for a custom device, similar in size to an industrial camera. The enclosure needs to be of small dimensions and durable enough for moderate use, such as daily office use. Key Requirements: - Design for 3D printing: experience with 3D printing and enclosures design is mandatory. - Small dimensions: The enclosure should be compact. - Moderate durability: The enclosure is expected to withstand daily office use, so it should be sturdy and not prone to breakage or wear. - Features: I require the design to incorporate both cooling vents and mounting points. Skills and Experience: - 3D design - 3D printing - Understanding of device enclosure requirements

I'm looking for a skilled individual who can assist me with a CAD CAM 3D modelling project for 3D printing. The product has moderate complexity, with several parts and some intricate details. The ideal candidate should have: - Expertise in 3D modelling for printing. - Proficiency in working with STL file format. - An eye for detail to ensure every part of the product is accurately represented. The goal is to create a precise 3D model which will be used for 3D printing, hence meticulous attention to detail and an understanding of intricate mechanics are paramount. A background in technical design, manufacturing or engineering will be highly beneficial for this project. Please provide examples of related prior work.

I am looking for a skilled graphic designer who can create a modern logo in cool colors. ( Photos are for references only not my products! ) I am a owner of a car wrapping business and are looking to get a design made for our shirts/stickers made. Looking for modern JDM/ Japanese style/ anime looking design and company name included ! Things that need to be in image -squeegee -Stanley knife -blades -Rolls of vinyl -car Key Tasks & Responsibilities: - Develop a modern, professional logo - use modern Japanese style design - car design - sticker /shirt design for car wrapping company - to be used as brand design Ideal Skills & Experience: - Proven experience in logo design - Ability to implement modern design principles - Strong sense of color theory, specifically wit...

I need a talented UI/UX designer to create a landing page for an AI SaaS product. The landing page will target Crops business owners and must be optimized for conversion, specifically to en...Tiers Monthly - 50$ Package 1 , 100$ Package 2 , Package 3 Contact for pricing. 1)USDA Fruit Data 2) USDA Movement Data 3) Import Key Data. Key Requirements: - You should have a strong portfolio of landing pages, particularly in the SaaS industry. - Experience with conversion rate optimization and understanding of best practices in UI/UX design. - Ability to create designs that resonate with small business owners, who are our target audience. Your design should be clean, modern, and clearly communicate the benefits of our SaaS product. The layout should be optimised for both desktop and mob...

I am looking for a web developer to design and build a simple yet engaging e-commerce website for my small business. The main purpose of the website will be to market and sell our services to potential customers. Key requirements: - **Booking Request Form**: I'd like for customers to easily interact with our services by filling out a booking request form. - **Photo Gallery of Products**: A visually appealing photo gallery showcasing our services and products. - **Customer Testimonials**: Inclusion of customer testimonials to build trust and credibility. - **SEO and Online Marketing**: The website should be optimized for specific keywords or phrases for SEO and online marketing purposes. - **Social Media Integration**: Integration with social media platforms to enhance our onli...

Engaging a Verification Technician who specializes in Google applications. I need assistance in assessing and onboarding small business clients, and in analyzing their Google Business Profile (GBP) health/optimization. The hired expert should: - Understand and evaluate my small business clients' needs - Integrate new clients into our service portfolio - Be able to develop relationships with Google representatives to achieve fair solutions - Review Google listings for possible violations and provide solutions to issues encountered - Take instructions and assist in getting suspended Google business listings published - Aid in the removal of duplicate listings on the Google databases. The end goal is to possess an active listing on Google with: - Accurate business info...

I need to make a new version of the enclosed little explainer graphic. The changes must be: - Colors and style match better with our flyer - Easier to see the text - following points added (arrow can be to left side of the product): - No electricity needed - installed in 4 minutes As base you must use the photo of the product where the hose is grey - which is also enclosed. If you feel you need to understand the product better before you do this - have a look at our video: I need this in sufficient resolution to use both in print and online.

I'd like to replace the answers in these files - from words to images. For example, instead of the word "Beach" - to replace it with a photo of a beach.

I'm looking for an interior designer to revamp my small living room with an integrated kitchen bar. I'm particularly keen on a modern farmhouse style to add a cozy and contemporary touch to the space. Our space is full of glass window and with tilted ceiling, need something that highlights the space and also cosy we will add a TV on one of the walls ( size 98" inch ). Key Responsibilities: - Transform a small space (less than 500 square feet) into a modern farmhouse style - Design and redecorate the outside cabin living room - Creative integration of a kitchen bar - Ensure stylish and functional layout and interior elements Ideal Skills and Experience: - Proven experience in interior design, particularly with small spaces - Proficiency in modern far...